Martin Luther is the Symbol of my Success

I am currently working at a Lutheran-affiliated counseling center. Once a month, we use staff meeting time to recognize the achievements of the staff and to nominate someone who was particularly outstanding. Then one of the nominated people is chosen to receive this:

Martin Luther bobblehead

This past month I was particularly awesome (but mostly I think it's because I'm moving soon), so I got the gift of Martin Luther. The tradition is that the person who gets the bobblehead gets to put it on his/her desk, but is also supposed to dress him up for the next person. The girl who had him before me, dressed him up with a little graduation hat because she recently graduated from George Fox.

So I decided to dress him up as though he would be joining me in North Dakota.

Yes, I knitted the outfit myself. If Martin Luther decides to go skiing, he'll be super stylish.

The Match is In!

Come this time next year, Josh and I will be living in......

Grand Forks, North Dakota!

We are extremely excited! It's a small town, but it's only for a year. We'll move there mid-July, but Josh plans to stay in Oregon for ski and football season and we're not planning to sell our house. I loved it there so much more than I had anticipated when we went for the interview and I think it's a really good fit for me. They have an excellent substance abuse treatment focus and I'll be able to work with the Native American population again.

But the absolute best part about matching is that I no longer have to worry that I won't match! Also, Josh has already planned out all the new temples we'll be able to visit by living in that part of the country. (That was seriously the first thing he did when I told him the news).

The end of an experience

As part of my training, I was a therapist at a private liberal arts college, but this week was my last week. It was sad saying goodbye, but they gave me a present:

(It's a blanket, not a sweatshirt).

Next week I'll be doing psychological assessments (for custody hearings, mostly, it seems) and family therapy (in McMinnville of all places), but this week I got to luxuriate in my tiny, windowless office (that I shared with two people and lots of files), finish a mound of paperwork and listen to hours of audiotaped sessions. The life of a (student) psychologist is totes glamorous, let me tell you.

Master of the House

I picked up my diploma today. Josh said I should share the news.

School has been going well lately. I've started my dissertation (and hope it will go better than the thesis) and already have over 30 client contact hours at my practicum site (which means nearly 300 overall). That's okay since I didn't do practicum last year and am not applying for internship this year. 

Things I Think About at 5:14am

I think my biggest fear is that I will go to shut the blinds (if it's getting dark) or open them (if it's getting light) and there will be someone standing there looking in at me. I freak myself out with this thought all the time, and I was just sitting here wondering where that fear originated.

I have my psychopharmacology final today. I'm studying right now. I haven't decided yet whether I should take a quick pre-class nap or just continue to sit here and go over my notes for the millionth time. Wish me luck!

P.S.
I have been taking Vitamin D now for a few weeks. On the bottle it says it "promotes healthy bones and immune system," but I have basically been nothing but sick since I started taking them! Is it possible to be allergic to Vitamin D?

Self-Esteem, William James Style

I was doing a bit of homework tonight, and I read something in a chapter about self-esteem that really resonated with me, so I thought I would share it.

As a bit of background, William James was a pioneering psychologist who happened to write a book that I know well, as it was used as a textbook in my Psychology of Religion class in undergrad (The Varieties of Religious Experience) and was venerated by my professor.

"William James, for example, noted that people can stake their self-worth on strikingly distinct qualities, with the result that anyone can achieve high self-esteem as long as they emphasize their strengths and devalue their weaknesses." 
(from Bosson, J.K. & Swann, W.B. [2009] Self-esteem. In M. R. Leary & R. H. Hoyle [Eds.] Handbook of individual differences in social behavior).

I like the idea that anyone can achieve high self-esteem. (That is certainly in practice daily at the ShepAlder household!) It makes me feel hopeful and optimistic for people, my clients, etc. 

A Much-Needed (but Much-Dreaded) Solution

I am in graduate school, but just barely right now. My mother asked me the other day how school was going, and the only way I could answer was with raised eyebrows and a shrug. Let me explain: My program has a rule that you have to finish your thesis by your third year. Most people finish in their second year. I, however, am almost done with my third year and until a week ago I still hadn't finished my thesis. A year ago, right on time, I set up my study, gathered my data, and did all of the background research I needed, but then, for whatever reason, I just couldn't write it. I even took a term off from school (not because of my thesis, but for different reasons), and I didn't even pick up any of my research. I didn't work on it at all!

When I finally met with my advisor again in 2010, she told me that she didn't think I was going to finish. It was probably a well-deserved slam, mostly because I didn't think I was going to finish either, but I did end up writing about half of it. But I had made a goal for myself that I would be done with it by June, and May 31st I still only had half done. So I made a drastic decision.

A friend in my program suggested that I get a motel room and just sit and write for a week away from all distractions. I had put off doing this, but on Tuesday I knew I had to do something drastic or else it would never get done. So I moved into a motel for four days. I let Josh pick the place, and he picked probably the cheapest possible place (I think he was afraid that if I went somewhere nice I would never come back). There was no chance of that! By the end of the week, I was so happy to come home (even if it meant I had to deal with Josh's snoring and constant chatter).

(Note: It wasn't the absolute cheapest place I could find and it wasn't terrible by budget-priced motel standards. In my defense, I am taking Emily HERE in August... so hopefully that will make up for the experience of the Beaverton Comfort Inn! -- Josh)

Here's where I spent the majority of my time:

Five pillows, all to myself!

There was this random counter that was really too high for a counter, and not very useful:

It was also broken:

On check-out day, I woke up and went to brush my teeth, only to find that the entire bathroom floor and counter were wet, and the sink looked like this:

This picture doesn't do it justice, but the sink was full of crud. I checked whether the pipes were broken, and I checked to see whether the sink drained (it did), so I can't figure out what happened from 5am to 10am when I was sleeping.

But, after four nights (two of them completely without sleep), countless rounds of solitaire, about a million vitamins (fish oil is apparently supposed to help brain function), and loads of caffeine, I am pleased to announce that I am finally done with my thesis-- only a year late!

I don't recommend this solution to anyone. My circadian rhythms were so screwed up by the end. I came home and slept for eight hours, and despite the fact that I took tons of vitamins, I think I made myself super sick. I really hope that, in the future (because I still have two years left of school and a dissertation to complete), I do not have to resort to this.

The Smallest Thing Has Derailed My Day

I've been corresponding with a professor by e-mail for a little bit, and today I got an e-mail back from her saying that it was nice to see me the other day. The thing is, I don't think I saw her "the other day" or, really, for months, so  it made me wonder who she thinks I am.

Not in a snarky "WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE'S DEALING WITH?!" kind of way, but in a seriously confused who does she think I am? Who does she think she's been talking to this entire time?

It's possible that I did see her at some point in time and just don't remember. Since starting graduate school my memory retention has decreased to that of a new puppy or goldfish. But I strongly suspect that this isn't the case. I strongly suspect that she just, genuinely, doesn't know who I am.

**sigh**

It made me feel forgettable, and that made me sad.

I'm Being Overrun!

Most of the time, I am oblivious of what goes on in our house. Messy kitchen? Smelly cats? It usually doesn't bother me. However, every so often I actually pay attention, and that's when I notice things like this:

When we moved into our house nearly two years ago, I made Josh put all of his toys in bins so that they wouldn't be all over the place all the time because I absolutely hate clutter. (This is something few people know about me, but I hate, hate, HATE owning things that are nonfunctional, whereas Josh refuses to get rid of anything). In the past two years, it seems that Josh's toys have reproduced. I generally don't spend much time in the bonus room because it's so messy and it smells like cat, but the other day I was printing out some articles for my behavioral neuroscience project, and saw that the computer desk is now COVERED in collectibles. Josh is obsessed with these Star Wars Galactic Heroes and explained to me that he needed the whole set in order to be authentic. Huge eye roll!

One thing I've learned about marriage is to pick my battles, which is why I let Josh keep his collectibles in a room I barely visit, but then a couple days ago I came home to find this in the hallway:

I think Josh's dad gave this to him for Christmas, so I can't complain that Josh is spending his money on ridiculous things. And perhaps I should applaud Josh for finally unpacking his bag of Christmas presents. But I don't know whether I should put my foot down. I don't know whether in two weeks I will walk into the hall to see a whole set of these things. (About my disgust, Josh replied, "Remember that you love me!" and then folded his arms and tapped his foot impatiently).

I suppose there are worse things. I could have married someone who was less awesome.

In other news, this is what became of the clothes from our closet:

Thankfully, we had a room we weren't using. (That was sarcastic. I am in fact very sad about this whole thing).

Also, I found out this week that I will be working at Lewis & Clark as a mental health counselor during the next school year. It was by far my first choice for a practicum experience, and the only place at which I interviewed. At the time, I thought my interview went well, but of course as I was leaving I had all sorts of regrets about what I said and I thought of all sorts of things that I should have said. But it worked out in the end. My favorite part about L&C is that it reminds me of my first alma mater, which I love and miss. The campus is so beautiful, it makes me jealous of all the people who are able to go there.

Looking Forward to the Future

It's been awhile since we've provided an update, so here are some things we've been up to lately, and some things we're going to do soon:

I (Emily) am still in school during the summer. I am also still working as a mental health counselor at a drug and alcohol residential rehab. It's been challenging. Pretty much every time I see a client I have to quell a mini internal meltdown because I get a little worried that I will never be able to help anyone. My supervisor constantly reminds me that I can't make anyone change, but I can at least provide support and make an effort to learn more about each client and why they are the way they are. I am fascinated by my clients. Some are nice, some are mean. Some lie, some manipulate, but some genuinely want to change. I love it (most of the time).

I am also volunteering at a place called Homeward Bound, which is a center for adults with brain injuries. It's located on a farm in Cornelius, which is totally in the middle of nowhere, but it also means that they have chickens, a llama, a hourse, and a goat. The volunteering is related to a class I am taking this term called Human Diversity, which is about diversity issues that clients may have and how to provide adequate therapy for different diverse groups. On the first day of the lab portion of the class everyone talked about which groups we would be the most scared to work with, and I admitted that I would have difficulties working with mentally or physically disabled populations. Everyone was assigned volunteer work based on these diverse populations with which we were worried about working. I have to admit that most (maybe not all) of my fears were unwarranted. The people who work there are exceptionally nice and completely helpful. They have encouraged the clients to talk about their various brain injuries and the resulting disabilities. It's fascinating.

Josh is continuing to work as the PR and marketing director of Hoodoo Family Recreation. Right now it's camping season, so he's spending this weekend at an RV show in Albany. He is suffering through allergy season, which has been much tougher for him this year than last. In his free time he has been working out. We joined 24-Hour Fitness, so he works out at the oddest times. Like, right now he's at the gym. He has lost so much weight, his pants just fall off! I always tell him to buy new pants, but he ignores me. He doesn't like to shop. Josh has also been enjoying his calling as Scout Leader/Young Men's Leader. He's the sole member of the YM adults who did not attend BYU, so he feels like it's his duty to let the YM know there are other colleges in the universe.

My term ends in July, and after that I am taking the year off. We're really excited because it means we can do all sorts of travelling. We've been wanting to go to Washington DC forever, but have instead taken various other trips (well, we've gone to Disneyland twice, as per Josh's request). We're also going to drive from DC to Philedelphia to visit the various US history sites. We also already have plane tickets to Southern CA to go to Disneyland (for the third time in two years) with my family, then we're going to spend another week and go to the Hearst Castle to take another tour (we visited there during our honeymoon tour through CA) and then stay at the Hotel Del Coronado in San Diego. We're also planning to go to Austin, TX again sometime this winter to visit my sister and her family, and I've been begging Josh to take me to Hawaii. So many plans!

I am so excited about taking time off, it seems like sometimes I completely forget that I'm still in school. Instead of reading textbooks, I've been reading mystery novels, and instead of preparing a presentation, I am writing a blog post!

HEY YOU! PLEASE HELP!

For those of you who do not know, I am currently working on my doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology. Along the way, I am also getting my Master's degree, which means that I need to write a Master's thesis. I am currently working on this.

Because my area of interest is Couples and Marriage, my thesis is related to variables that are correlated with marital satisfaction.

Therefore, I need those of you (both male and female) who are older than 18, are currently in a heterosexual marriage, and have been married for at least six months to take my survey by clicking here.

This should only take 15 minutes of your time. Absolutely none of the information can be linked to your identity. I will never know how you have answered, so please be as honest as possible.

Again, this is EXTREMELY important to me, as I need to finish my thesis by the end of the summer. Please take the survey as soon as possible. It will be available until the end of May.

Thank you so much!

Cake Wrecking my Statistics Composure

I had to write a post about this website called Cake Wrecks because it has given me an enormous amount of amusement for the past couple days. In fact, it is so absolutely funny, I had to stop reading it during my statistics class because I was silently laughing so much my face was twisted in a grimace and my eyes were tearing up. I think it unnerved my professor, who may have assumed that ANCOVAs make me cry (which they will, I'm sure, when I try to complete my homework).

Specifically, it was this cake that broke my steely, statistics-ready composure.

Studying Statistics ShepAlder Style!

I have to admit that my studying style does leave a lot to be desired, but here is a look into how I studied for my upcoming stats test that is, yes it's true, in 8 hours.

11:06pm Finding myself angry that I did not decide to finish my homework and study for the test sooner, I scowled at anything that would look at me...
and then checked my status on Mob Wars.

11:10pm I prepared for a long night with a Rockstar energy drink.

11:15pm Feeling under-enthused, I contemplated my life.

11:48pm Deciding I had that "did nothing all day but complain" smell, I took a shower and redressed in pretty much the exact outfit I was wearing before.

12:02am I finally started getting some work done.

12:28am Being easily distracted, I got sidetracked by reading about criterion validity on Wikipedia, and ended up reading about people's lives on their blogs.


12:30am Josh and I watched "Run, Fat Boy, Run."

[Note: Our TV sits on the floor because, although we ordered a
media cabinet nearly four months ago, it has still not arrived.
Hopefully it will come one day. -- Josh]


12:52am The movie motivated me to hula hoop a little bit.


1:57am I became very discouraged with myself, though the fact that I was holding a yellow legal pad means that I was actually studying at this point.


2:36am I got bored with studying and decided to knit instead.


3:56am I decided that my real problem was that I was hungry (it had been 8 hours since eating dinner), so I enjoyed a corn dog hot from the oven.


4:48am Increasingly angry at statistics, I ranted to Josh about my frustration with grad school, then got back to studying. Of course, instead of studying I wrote this blog, but there are worse things I could have done with my time.

Get me Some Stats Knowledge, Stat!

Class was so fascinating, I had to take this picture to
commemorate my glazed and vacant look of interest.

I have been in college now for almost 8 years. Sometimes, like during my statistics class on Thursday, it gets difficult for me to gain perspective about why I am still in school. Part of the problem with statistics is that this is my third stats class in as many years and I am in that awkward position of feeling like everything is review, yet being unable to parrot back the equations and definitions that would cause me to be the Star Student that I feel I should be.

The other problem with statistics is that it reminds me that I have yet to start on my thesis. I have talked to classmates who are both deeply entrenched in thesis stuff and others who, like me, have not yet even chosen a topic. It can get pretty frustrating, but then I have to remind myself that this is the avenue that I have chosen: thesis, dissertation, and frustrating practicum placements are all a part of what will make me great.

Eventually, like with my English thesis, this (statistics, thesis, school, practicum) will all be a distant memory. According to school rules, I cannot take more than 8 years to complete my degree anyway. So all I have to do is continue visualizing myself as the therapist I know I can be, and maybe (definitely?) it will happen.