Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #24

This is super overdue, but, seeing as how Josh and I only complain about how cold we are these days, you need to know something. When Josh left at the end of August, I was hating Grand Forks pretty intensely. Then October came, and I had the most beautiful day I've ever seen. I had a moment walking from my car to the office where I felt like my heart would burst with gratitude because Fall had finally come.

So I took this picture:

Everything about that day reminded me of the best things about Oregon and my favorite season. I finally felt at home.

Then, literally three days later, this happened:

my drive to work

my view from my office

Autumn lasted three days! 

I have learned that winter here does not look like what I had imagined-- huge snowdrifts, snowplows, and winter sports. Instead, it is intensely cold. It snows a little bit, then melts a little bit, then freezes, so while there isn't a lot of snow, there is a lot of ice, and the snow never goes away. 

Also, they don't salt their roads or their walkways. We got a university-wide e-mail about the proper way to walk on ice, including not wearing high heels, walking with a wide gait, shuffling, and curling your toes under. We talked in staff meeting about the proper way to fill out a workplace accident complaint because they don't shovel the sidewalks! 

North Dakota, I don't understand you.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #23

I have been meaning to write about this for awhile, because it was one of the first things I noticed, mainly because we went to four movies in our first week of living here.

I am impressed that mental health organizations are openly advertised here, like the  Community Violence Intervention Center:

Before leaving for internship, I had a Business of Psychology class where we talked about marketing and how you very rarely see ads for psychologists the same way you see advertisements for, say, medical doctors or car salesmen. But in Grand Forks they are much more open about their mental health care. I find it admirable and I wish Portland would get on board. 

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #22

Now that Josh is back in Oregon, I have been driving myself to work. I didn't want to buy a parking pass for just a few months, so I park a few blocks away and walk. There are only a couple major streets in The Forks, but I have to cross one of them to get to my building.

Thankfully, the people of Grand Forks, ND have thought up a plan to make it easier for me: an underground tunnel.

the entrance, and on the other side of the street there is the exit

I'm not sure whether I'm being sarcastic or not when I say that this is a good idea. Because it gets so cold in The Forks during the winter, there are actually multiple tunnels all around campus to make getting from building to building without needing to put on snow boots and mittens.

inside the tunnel

I think the idea of the tunnel system goes along with another thing I didn't know about Grand Forks, which is that there is a very small homeless population. If there were tunnels in Portland, I don't think anyone would use them because they would be filled with homeless people (much like parking structure stairways downtown). 

I like using the tunnel every day because I don't have to wait for the walk signal. It smells like pee, of course, but I think that's because of drunk college students. Most things can be attributed to drunk college students around here.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #21

People in the midwest love their vanity plates. And why not? They only cost $25 in North Dakota. We have seen all sorts, but I never remember to take a picture. But on the way home from church the other day we were behind this:

There are also a large amount of vanity plates parked in my apartment parking lot, like this:

Driving home from work the other day, I saw this one:

I know vanity plates aren't an isolated midwest trend (my best friend's husband had the plate "IM007" when we were in high school), but they do seem extraordinarily prevalent. I see one at least every time I go out in public. I never would have guessed that this was a thing.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #20

Another thing I mentioned to my coworkers that I thought was strange about Grand Forks is the prevalence of these tiny stop signs:

a terrible picture taken by me of me and one of these weirdly tiny stop signs during a run for size reference. They are about 6 ft tall and the sign is slightly larger than my head

The conversation went something like this:
ME: I don't understand why there are all of these pedestrian stop signs.
COWORKERS: Pedestrian stop signs! (huge laughter) Don't tell her, don't tell her! See if she can guess what they are!
OTHER COWORKER: What else would people drive in Grand Forks? Think of during the winter.
ME: For snowmobiles?
COWORKERS: YES! SNOWMOBILES! (more laughter)
ME: That makes more sense. I kept stopping at these stop signs during my walks, thinking, "This must be a particularly busy intersection. I would stop, look both ways, and then keep walking."

wouldn't you think you should stop for this?

They think my ignorance is hilarious.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #19

During lunch today, all the counseling coworkers gathered in the break room for a potluck. Someone asked me about some of the things I found strange (he used the word "provincial") about GF, and I answered:

Blue laws are weird. It's nice that stores are closed so that the employees can go to church, but if you believe Sunday is the Sabbath, then you probably wouldn't be shopping anyway. Also, what if you don't view Sunday as the Sabbath? One of the interns discovered that you can't just drive over to East Grand Forks-- that WalMart is also closed on Sunday.

Something I have learned? GF just got their first mosque two weeks ago and it is actually in an abandoned Christian chapel. I tried to find an accompanying newspaper article about it, but apparently, though I find this to be supremely outrageous, the GF Herald doesn't think of this as news.

I actually learned all sorts of things from my coworkers today, so you can expect more "fascinating" facts about GF in the next few days.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #18

They have running trails! But so far we have only seen two people running, but about half a dozen people biking them and two people in-like skating (is that still a thing?!)

We have gone both north and south on these trails, but we have yet to venture to the Minnesota side. The whole loop is apparently 8.5 miles and the goal is to jog/walk the entire thing before the weather goes below zero.

Remember when I found out about the flood of 1997? On the trail is a memorial to the water levels of past floods. I am apparently almost as high as 1996:

Here are some pictures of the river Josh snapped during his run (while I was doing more of the walking thing):

Red River north

the Red River "dam"

Maybe things in Grand Forks aren't so terrible after all.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #17

We had a bit of an odd experience today. We were in Target, searching intently for picture hooks, when a woman announced over the loudspeaker that a severe tornado warning had been issued and we were ordered to stay away from the windows and move to the back of the store or leave our items and run for our cars. Josh and I chose to stay and hide out in the seasonal items section.

We were only on lockdown for half an hour or so, but apparently in Grand Forks, tornados can appear at any moment and strand the ShepAlders anywhere they happen to be. I didn't know!

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #16

This is really more about East Grand Forks, but let's be honest-- it's all the same experience. When Josh and I were researching our future hometown, he got really excited about the low, low prices of the local movie theater ($5 for a matinee?! It's like we've gone back in time!)

Ladies and gentlemen, I have, to date, now seen two movies here:

I have a hard time with the log cabin theme. I get confused. Am I watching a movie, or should I chop some wood and skin a squirrel? 

Josh loves it because they offer free refills for all fountain drinks, and you have access to the machine yourself so you can do what Josh likes best and mix flavors without being judged as fussy.

It also has corridors and nooks and crannies everywhere, so if you want to use the restroom quickly in the middle of a pivotal scene, you might end up wandering around for much longer than you had anticipated. 

Josh says that if he owned a movie theater then it would look exactly like this. Thank heavens I have a day job.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #15

Grand Forks is not a very pedestrian-friendly town. I know that I've been spoiled living in Oregon where there are walking/running/biking paths everywhere, but where we now live, there are barely sidewalks and at most intersections there are not even crosswalks. 

Not that this matters, since during our late afternoon Sunday stroll, we saw only one other pedestrian (who was running) and a couple creepy guys on bikes. People don't walk here. In fact, they drive so fast, I'm pretty certain I'll be t-boned at every intersection. Also, they don't stop at stop signs. 

If I make it out of here without getting into an accident, I will be surprised. 

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #14

Josh just discovered tonight that North Dakota is one of the only states that enforces the blue law, which means that stores are not allowed to be open on Sundays. This includes WalMart, which is usually open 24 hours but Josh happened to be there around midnight when they announced that they were closing.

Previously, this law was strict: no stores could be open from midnight to midnight. But following a blizzard when no one could buy supplies, the law was changed in 1991 so that stores are only closed until noon on Sundays.

This affects me not at all since I don't shop on Sundays anyway, but it's pretty interesting.

Things I Didn't Know About Grand Forks #13

I'll be wearing this sweatshirt:

After I graduated with my first bachelor's degree (I know-- pretentious, right?), I briefly worked at a ski area where I used my employee's discount to buy this warm and colorful Turtle Fur undershirt. I found it today as I was cleaning out the guest room closet for my friend Nancy (of going on a date with my brother once and "Chicks Before Dicks" dinner nights fame), who is housesitting for us while we're gone. This sweatshirt goes over really well in Oregon, but I'm not sure how North Dakotans will react. 

Things I Didn't Know About Grand Forks #12

There are 12 sex offenders that live within 5 miles of my Grand Forks apartment complex. This includes incarcerated offenders, because I will apparently be living within 5 miles of the Grand Forks County Jail.

low resolution and from this website 

To compare, I currently live within a 1 mile radius (because oregon.gov only plots 1 mile for some reason) of ZERO sex offenders. Josh says this is because a 5 mile radius encompasses practically all of Grand Forks, but I say it's because the cold makes people crazy.

Things I Didn't Know About Grand Forks #11

They love Olive Garden AND polka dots!

picture from this article

A man in Grand Forks recently painted his house (not his house where he lived, but a house he rented out to others) with polka dots. I love how thrilled he looks in this picture.

I already checked-- my future apartment is blissfully dot-free.

Things I Didn't Know About Grand Forks #10

North Dakota has the fewest endangered species! Of course, this might be because they have all been eaten or turned into jerky. 

But North Dakota also has the fewest clean energy businesses. What a difference from Oregon!

Right now my biggest fear (one of them, anyway) is that I will bring my reusable bags to a grocery store and they will be confused. I will outright refuse service if they try to put my groceries in a plastic bag. This is going to be trouble.

Images are taken from this website

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #9

Notice the extremely flat landscape

North Dakota is home to the tallest man-made structure in the United States (#3 in the world)-- the KVLY-TV radio tower. It is in Blanchard, ND, which is nearly an hour south of Grand Forks. It's not too much to look at, but that's North Dakota.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #8

Grand Forks is:

• 1, 587 miles from my house, which is 25 hours by car (19 days, 21 hours by foot, which is important to know if there is a zombiepocalypse and I have to skeedaddle).
• 1,871 miles from Disneyland, which is 30 hours by car
• 326 miles from the Mall of America in Bloomington, MN (5 hours, 17 minutes by car), which is the closest adequate shopping center
• 241 kilometers (so fancy!) from Winnepeg, Manitoba (3 hours by car), which is the closest big city (if you don't count Fargo-- 105,549 people and growing!) and closest Costco (ND apparently hates good deals)
• 448 miles from where I was born (in Wisconsin!), which is 8 hours and 14 minutes by car
• 724 miles from Chicago (12 hours, 17 minutes by car) just in case I get a craving for deep dish pizza and/or a Chicago dog.
• 4,970 km from Cancun (2 days, 6 hours by car), just in case I decide to throw it all away and live on a beach.

In other words, it's pretty much in the middle of nowhere.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #7

Here's a little Grand Forks history for you:

Grand Forks could have been a bigger city from the beginning, except, during the time that the most people had emigrated to the area, North Dakota was considered a "dry" state (meaning they didn't sell or serve alcohol within state limits). East Grand Forks was established across the river in Minnesota because the trappers and traders that first called "Les Grandes Fourches" home wanted to get their drunk on. East Grand Forks had a brewery and 30+ saloons.

These days, Grand Forks is full of drinking and hockey-watching, but I wonder if East Grand Forks is still considered the rough side of town.

Old Main (c. 1890), the first building of the UND campus (photo courtesy of this website)

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #6

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, Grand Forks and the nearby metropolitan North Dakota cities have among the lowest unemployment rates. #1 is Bismarck (3.2%), #3 is Fargo (3.7%), and #11 is Grand Forks (4.4%).

To compare: the Portland/Vancouver/Hillsboro area is #212 with 8.1% unemployment. Eugene, Oregon's next largest metropolitan area, is #246 with 8.7% unemployment. The highest is #372, El Centro, CA with 26.8%, but it's mostly prisons and farmland, so I'm not sure whether it really counts.

The farmlands of El Centro, where it can get up to 122 degrees in July

The good news is that if I choose to stay in North Dakota, most of my clients will be employed. The bad news is that if I don't open my private practice, I may bump the unemployment rate up and bring shame to the community.

Things I didn't know about Grand Forks #5

They love their Olive Garden!

Josh called my attention to this article about Marilyn Hagerty, an 85-year-old Grand Forks food critic who reviewed the "largest and most beautiful restaurant now operating in Grand Forks." That restaurant is Olive Garden.


There are multiple things I love about the story. Firstly, the fact that the food critic at the Grand Forks Herald is an 85-year-old woman who writes sincere articles about chain restaurants is awesome. Secondly, it reminds me that I, too, liked Olive Garden once upon a time, so I shouldn't be such a food snob.

The Grand Forks Olive Garden, with an inset picture of Hagerty

The best way to learn about a culture is to eat the local food. I was worried it would be all buffalo jerky and venison, but maybe it will be chicken alfredo and breadsticks instead.